TWAS THE NIGHT I BEAT VICTOR BY SUE MYDLIAK
2010 ISSUES, THE HORROR OF CHRISTMAS FINALISTS
Twas the Night I Beat Victor
T’was the night before Christmas, when all through my house
You were not stirring, you big biting louse;
I hung all my nighties by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Sir Victor soon would be there;
My sisters were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of rapture danced in their heads;
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my room sat,
Had just finished the day with a big, drawn out spat,
When out on the lawn I heard someone chatter,
I sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.
I went to the window in a quick dash,
Ripped open the curtains and got a hot flash.
The moon on your breast looked like new-fallen snow
Gave me jitters galore as you stood just below,
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
a flashy cool smile, and your appearance so cavalier,
With a body, so lively and so quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Sir Vic.
More rapid than eagles you to my window did came,
And whistled, and shouted, and called me by name;
“Now, Candra! now, Candy! now, Cantrix and Can!
On, Candics! on Candies! Oh skip it…come!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
He came through my window and did not stall.
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
We met with an obstacle, which was my eye.
I screamed very loudly, the idiot did flew,
And he wondered exactly what he should do!
And then, in an instant, I heard on the roof,
The tapping and shuffling of my burden of proof.
As I drew in my head, and turned completely around,
Down the chimney my vampire came with a bound.
He was dressed all in black, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of joy, someone I wanted to smack,
For blackening my eye I had to attack.
I lunged at him quickly and held my hand back!
and aimed my hand carefully to his face I did smack!
Then out of the blue a tear did appear
on his face he did scrunch up and ran out of fear.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he ran out of sight,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to Candra a good-night.”