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Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Unbearable Love


What is it about Teddy Bears that make people go nuts over them?  Is it there cuteness or how cuddly they feel when you hold them close?   My suggestion?  Get rid of them!
One miserable day at work, I was walking home and it was cold.  Being late night, I wanted the day finished.   Everything that could go wrong, did and my boss, Mr. Brown had nothing to say to me, in fact when he did it was mean.  Bastard.
Anyway, as I walked down the sidewalk I passed a toy store.  Now for some odd reason I never paid too much attention to this particular store, but this time I did.  In the window was a Teddy Bear.  It looked as though it was telling me to take him home.  Weird I know, but his eyes looked so real, that I immediately went in and bought him.  As I walked, I had a smile on my face and I have to tell you, I thought I felt a heartbeat as I carried the bag.
Thinking I was just excessively tired, I finally reached my house and went in. The couch was my drop off point, so down went the bag and off I went to start dinner.  I usually eat something light, like soup and a sandwich, so I made just that and changed into my warm sweat pants and sweatshirt. 
It took minutes to finish what I fixed and made my way into the living room for some television and …
“Why is my bag on the floor and empty?”
Odd…
Putting down my delicious meal, I started the hunt.  I looked under, behind tables and still nothing.  My bear had disappeared into thin air.  I realized, as my stomached growled that I needed a drink and went back into my kitchen.
“How in the heck did you get in here?  Well, I know I didn’t put you here…is it possible that you walked on your own accord?”  Okay, now I was acting silly and shook my head of it.
“Back on the couch you go and you best stay put this time.  You’re beginning to freak me out bear.”
I went back into the kitchen, but before I did, I looked once more at my bear.   There he was, still on the couch where I put him.  Good.  I went in got my bowl and spoon and then made my bologna sandwich with mayo.  Two edible things that go well together, comfort food and I certainly needed some comfort.
As I came out to sit on the couch I noticed my bear was still there, but he had a different look about him.  I couldn’t place it, but there was something about him that had changed some.  I sat down, cautiously, and then decided that it was just my eyes and my bad day that was playing games with me and went about eating my dinner.
Having eaten and feeling quite content, I stretched out and turned the T.V. on.    Not much was showing, but the noise made my apartment seem not so empty.  The quiet hum of the furnace lulls me into a deep sleep. 
It was still dark when I woke about two in the morning.  I sat up and rubbed my eyes and looked for my bear…he was nowhere in sight.  I looked on the floor thinking I may have kicked him off and that’s when I felt a slight pain in my right foot.  Examining, I noticed that I had, what appeared, to been a bite mark.
“What bit me?”   Crusted over, I still worried about infection.
“Soap will do just the trick.” 
I had a small bathroom, but had all the necessary appliances; I wasn’t expected to see was my bear.  He was next to the tub.
“Is that blood on your face?”  I squinted at him to make sure, but sure enough, there on the corner of his mouth was blood.  My blood? 
“What kind of bear are you?  I think tomorrow I’ll just take you back.  You’re freaking me out big time and that’s one thing I don’t need at the moment.”  Hesitantly I reached down to pick him up…this bear was warm, like it had body heat.  I wasn’t sure what I should do.  Do I take him outside and leave him there or lock him in my closet till morning and take him back to the store?  I opted for locking in the closet, to which I did immediately.
“Damn bear, god, could this day get any worse?”
Getting into bed I pulled the blankets.  Sleep couldn’t have come faster.  I was restless and warm.  I kicked off the blankets hoping that it would cool me down, and it did, somewhat and I fell back into a deep sleep and started to dream…
Gathering me into his arms, that were massively embracing, he held me tight and his breath was warm, moist against my face.  I had no wish to back out and so I settled in, enjoying the feel of his arms around me.  I felt safe as though no harm could come my way.    As I lay there, content in the feel of a body, his body close to mine, the touch of his hand sent a warming shiver through me.  It was firm and persuasive, invited more urges deep inside me, yet, I did not move.  The occasional jolt of his thigh brushing my hip sent my body to tingle from the contact.   I looked up at him, but I couldn’t make out his features, they seemed blurred, by then he had leaned down and began to kiss me.  His mouth covered mine hungrily and the strong hardness of his lips gave me the freedom to feel the passion of it.  The kiss sent the pit of my stomach into a wild swirl.  His tongue traced the soft fullness of my lips and sent shivers of desire racing through me.  I wanted more of him and craved it so that I wanted to shout, “More! More please!”  But held back, because he was giving me what I wanted, just slowly, provocatively so that it drove me to such heightened ecstasy.
My mind relived the velvet warmth of his kiss as his lips continued to explore me.  Oh, the touch of his lips was a delicious sensation as his kisses seared a path down my neck and my shoulders.  Could I bare this anymore before I would rip off his clothes…did he have clothes on?  My thoughts spun as my emotions whirled and skidded as the pleasure he was creating from deep within me radiated outward.  At that moment I didn’t care.  “Should I care?  Hell no.” 
He paused to kiss me, whispering his love for each part of my body.  I couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying, only that I was submissive to his needs and was willing to do just about anything to have him continue further.  His hands moved gently down the length of my back as they searched for pleasure points.  “Where has this man been hiding all these years?”  I thought as one hand slid down my stomach to my hips…”take me now.”    He was good, so good.
Then he did something different he took my hands and encouraged them to explore and explore I did.  I urged him to do things I wouldn’t have thought with anyone else, I needed to feel him outside as well as inside.  Instinctively, my body arched toward him.    Fully aroused now, I drew myself closer to him; his hands traced a tingling path over my skin.  His body imprisoned mine in a web of growing arousal and just when I thought this would be the moment I had been waiting for… stopped abruptly by a searing pain down my back.  My eyes widened and it was then I saw who my mysterious man was…
I sat up in my bed, gasping for air.  I felt chilled as sweat that had encased my body trailed down my skin.  I quickly got up and ran for the bathroom and switched on the light.  I had to see if what I feared most was true and ripped off my gown.  Positioning myself in front of my mirror, I looked to see any markings that I had felt, but as I looked I saw nothing.   Morning started to peek through my bedroom curtains.
“It was a nightmare, a bloody good one up until that…that awesome climax, but…”  I still puzzled over it and looked toward my bed.  Rumpled with blankets on the floor and my bear…next to where I had laid. 
“What the fuck?  How in the hell did you get out of the closet?”  I walked out and over to my closet- the door was off its hinges. 
“Ok you are going back, you’re possessed or something and I’ll have none of it.”  Then I wondered if it was the bear that had me so aroused…”Oh God, I did it with a bear?  A stuffed one at that?   Can’t, must be a big mistake, it was just a weird dream, that’s all.  Just weird.”
I got myself dressed and put the bear back into the bag and off I went. 
The door twinkled as I came in and the owner looked my way and smiled.
“What can I help you with today?”
I flung the bag roughly onto the counter.  “I want my money back, this-this bear, well; I don’t think I care for him very much.”  Well, that was partly correct, I didn’t care for him, but if I told the owner my real reason for bringing him back he’d think I was nuts.
He gave me look that questioned my answer and replied, “Ah, but this bear missus is a rare one.  He knows the meaning of love and gives it like any bear would.”
I raised my eyebrow at him and thought if he only knew.
“Oh, I’m sure he does, but I don’t want him.  I’m too old for a teddy bear now.”  I pushed the bag closer to him.
Alright then I’ll return you your money.”
“Thank you.  I understand it.”
Once outside I felt so relieved that I no longer had to deal with that bear ever again and went back home. 
I got a lot done.  My house was cleaned and spotless and fresh sheets replaced the ones that were on my bed.  I didn’t want any memories that may be lingering on them to come back tonight.  Sounds silly I know, but I’m superstitious. 
After eating a well broiled steak and a glass of wine, I thought a nice hot shower would end my day perfectly.
 As I walked toward the bathroom, I felt a strange presence, but gave it no thought.  I had, had a busy day and was super tired.  I leaned down into the tub, set my water to the correct temperature and stripped.  Walking into the warm water faded all doubts, fears that were left lingering from the night before.  I envisioned them slipping down the drain and floating away further and further.  It was a wondrous feeling.  I must have stayed in there a good twenty minutes or so and when the hot water was beginning to give out I turned off the water and toweled myself dry.  I felt so fresh, so new and the thought of the cool, freshly washed sheets would feel good against my skin.  So, I hopped into bed, naked and smiled.
It wasn’t long before I was asleep when I started to dream my dream again...
…his expert touch sent me to even higher levels of ecstasy as his love flowed in me like warm honey.  I shattered into a million glowing stars as I cried out for release.  Together we found the tempo that bound our bodies together.  Then within minutes, soaring higher until the peak of delight was reached exploded in a downpour of fiery sensations the waves of ecstasy throbbed through me and I gasped in sweet agony when it was over. 
As my body melted against his and the world was filled with him I thought he would be merely filling a moment of physical desire that I so desperately wanted, and I would allow him to tear apart my soul to have this night repeat itself…
I awoke from my dream, but I felt odd.  I couldn’t talk, I had no voice.  I began to panic, then when I tried to sit up I found that I could not and then the reality of how I felt letting him tear my soul had new meaning.  I looked to see what was directly in front of me…it wasn’t my room, but a big bay window and a man, handsome with eyes like that of my bear, smiling at me.   He came into the store and I heard voices.   That’s when I he put me into a bag. 
Oh my God, I’m what my bear use to be…I am that Teddy Bear now.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A bit of Romania in my backyard! SPOILER ALERT!!!!

In writing the sequel to Birthright, I decided to really research everything out, not that I didn't with Birthright, but I wanted the sequel to be very thought out in detail.  So, if you haven't read Birthright yet, do not read this.

Anyway, I had to find a reason why Candra's father kept going away on business.  Where was he going and why!  Candra and her mother drank a tea infused with her father's blood, but it also had rose petals, mistletoe and blood root in it.  I had the hardest time and I should have thought of this long before, but being the novice at writing I didn't.  Shoot me!

Anyway, I thought roses, and then I did a search on roses in Romania which I came up with their flower which was the Rosa Canina.  A wild rose, pink, with rose hips after the flower stops blooming.  Rose petals offer protection and bring love.  Perfect right?  Gets better.

Growing up, my mother had an arbor that her father, my grandpa made and she had planted wild roses on either side of it...a Dog Rose or in other words, a Rosa Canina.   Ba zinga!  The very rose that I want in my story happens to grow in my back yard now because it is the one that my mother had planted many, many years ago.  It's been in my family for over 55 years and to this day grows like crazy!

Who'd of thought that everything I have written about is within reach of my hand.   

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Re-Did my latest bookcover of Release

I didn't like the bookcover, just something about it just wouldn't let me accept it.  I think it was the whiteness of the Star of David.  Here is how I fixed it.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Red Flags to newbie authors...

I being a newbie myself have come across some things that sent out signals to cause me to think twice.
Being published is great, you may not make a living at it, but that's not why you write.  You write because it is your passion.  With that being said, then take your time to look for a reputable publisher.  If an author friend or someone you know who is published by someone they like working for then by all means go for it, but if you know nothing about the publisher search them.  Find out what  you can and even then you're not told everything.
I searched Trestle Press and found nothing wrong with them, but I still had this innate feeling of doom, well not doom, but a twinge of not too sure if I wanted to sign up with them.  I signed the contract, which was a one paragraph sheet of paper (red flag #1) and then a bunch of lines to where I would write what submissions I was sending in for them to publish.  Still nervous.
I filled it out and sent it in then I started asking how were we going to go about doing my submissions.  I was going to have groups of 5 flash fictions published every 3 weeks, then gradually increase the amount, but the thing about all that was he didn't explain it full out or to the point where I was understanding any of it and would constantly be asking him questions, which weren't always answered, some, but not all.  It got so frustrating that I finally treated him like a 6th grader and asked him to answer my questions in either a yes or no response.  I then got my answers but he told me then that he doesn't do yes or no questions.  "Then give me the answers when I ask instead of ignoring them (red flag #2).
So, within a week my first publication was out, I wasn't all too crazy about the cover (red flag#3) which should have been given to me for approval or asked if any changes I would want, I mean it is my book. 
I was happy, so I sent in my next 5 stories and waited...and waited...and waited.  Weeks went by to where it was now going on 2 months.  I kept emailing him saying when are you going to give me the edits to look over?  His answers, "just relax, we're busy working on our first paperback, I'll have them work on it over the weekend."  Emailed again, "...it'll be done in 10 days."  Emailed again...same old story, be patient, relax. (red flag #4).
I got so fed up that I wrote about it here on my blog and it got some attention.  Another author from Trestle Press was getting the run around too and that she was going to quit when she saw my issues.  That's when I quit as well.  I told him he wasn't sticking to his end of the contract and that I wanted my book off the market because I didn't want it represented by him and that all copyrights are mine and whatever submissions I had sent be destroyed at once or else.  His reply..." I understand and I'll do that for you.  Good luck with your endevours..." or something along those lines, but it was like he didn't care or didn't apolgize.  Nothing!
Now, I see all this with copyright issues and I'm thinking you little (&&%&*^). 
Red flag #6 if you don't get a contract at first or with every new submission, that is another "heads up".  All these flags that I have been posting on here is a learned lesson, one that should be followed as to what you should look out for.
Trestle Press...shame on you. 

Thursday, February 16, 2012

TRESTLE PRESS USING COPYRIGHTED ARTWORK FOR THEIR COVERS

I am sooooo glad I got out of their contract. I was getting bad vibes from the get-go they are a shady publisher to work for and if you know any writer who deals with them or wishes to deal with them tell them NO and give them this link.


http://litreactor.com/news/digital-publisher-trestle-press-dinged-for-stealing-cover-art

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

CONGRATULATIONS!

Congratulations to Blaze, Wendy and Carole! You guys have your choice of the three pictures you want! Or better yet, if you want me to design me exclusively for you I will.

Let me know!

Congratulations guys!

Sue

Monday, February 13, 2012

Vamplit's Happy Blog Hopping!



It's finally here! Vamplit's Blog Hopping and today I have a great offer for you! For coming on my blog and leaving a comment I will give you an original piece of art work that I have done! But the "sweetest" thing about this is I will pick only three. So here are the rules...

1. Come see my blog

2. Leave a comment

3. Leave me your email

That's it!





The pieces of artwork I have chosen are the three above! Good luck!!!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Thoughts...

As I sit here, I can't help think that everything that has gone wrong in my life has to be something of a punishment for past events that I have done and God, being in his infinite mercy, is...for better lack of words, "giving it to me." I tend to look at these harsh realities as trials and trials they are, for today was hard.

I've been battling arthitis in all my joints, mainly in my knees and I've done everything I can short of having surgery again.

Two days ago I wanted to celebrate two big events in my life, having my book in Anderson's bookstore (a big dream of mine come true)and having my artwork used as the theme for the upcoming Black American society which over 400 people attend. So, I wanted to go to the mall, walk, see the little puppies and have some cinnamon sticks. Doesn't sound like much, but to me its the little things that I love. Anyway, we didn't make it to the middle of the mall when both my knees decided to say, "not going any further!" Pain...

So there I was stuck. I told my husband to go on to Sears without me and that I'll just have a sit and wait, but the Bath and Body shop was just across from me...beckoning me to come in. So I hobbled in and bought myself a few things.

My appointment with the doctor was this morning, Orthopedic surgeon, and I told him the whole sordid mess and that my left knee was now giving me grief. The end result, arthritis in that knee as well and maybe a torn meniscus. Great...just like my right knee 4 years ago.

He said I had a few options, 1. I could have another cortisone shot in my rt. knee or an injection of some sort of gel that acts as a lubricant. 2. Physical therapy for 4 weeks. I didn't like the last cortisone shot they gave me, 2 inches of needle going behind my knee cap, so the thought of yet another injection whether it being cortisone or gel did not strike me as "yippee!" In fact I burst out crying and opted for physical therapy. I do have to get yet another MRI for my left knee now. This probably makes close to 10 MRI's.

Needless to say, when I've looked at my life thus far, I feel as though God is putting me through some mighty hefty trials and would he please end it already. I bummed out at this point.

It's amazing I was a ballerina one point in my life, dancing the Nutcracker and loving every minute of it, now I feel like I"m old and breaking apart at the very seams. Bummed again.

I just had to get this down on, well, not paper, but just get it down, written so that I can move on and hope for the best...if that'll ever come. As it is, I don't see a silver lining anywhere in sight at the moment.