Friday Fright/Santa Has a Brand New Bag?

Snow falling outside,  like bits of fluff, thick and fat.   Children throwing snowballs with screams of delight.  Horses off in the distance looking so regal as puffs of steam emitted from their nostrils.  So peaceful…

“Damn this tree!”

…and so it begins.

“Willodean what’s wrong now?”  I was so exasperated with her.

“It’s has no good side.”

Oh here we go again.  “Good side?”

“Yes Charlese.  Everything and everybody has a good side, and this tree has no good side whatsoever.”

“Oh sweet Jesus, just put the tree up and decorate the damn thing.  This is supposed to be fun, so…have fun!”

I left her to do her business and got myself a soothing cup of coffee, the elixir of life.

I started to pour the rich, dark brown…ooze?  The blood began to boil as my cheeks turned a nice, bright scarlet red.

“Willodean!”

She came in, lights entangled her body with tinsel in her hair.  “What…” in a low register of disgust.

“What or better yet, how did you make the coffee?”
Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and said, “Oh, I thought I’d make something special for today.

“You mean ‘mud’…”

“No, not mud, latte’”

“…Latte’?”  I poured her a cup of glop.  It came out of the pot thick and brown and oozing with pure disgust.

“Yeah, latte’!”  She beamed.

I just stood there, mouth gaping wide, then I shook it at her.

“This is not latte’, this is crap in a cup!”

A tear started to run down her cheek and I knew I had gone too far.

“Willodean I’m sorry, it’s just that I had a bad night and that doesn’t excuse me, but I’m a tad on the bitchy side.”

“Ya think?”  Then she walked out, tinsel trailing behind her, and continued her decorating.

I have to say, she’s a true friend.  Most would have walked out, but not Willodean.

After fifteen minutes of cleaning my pot, I had fresh coffee brewing and the smell put a smile on my face…I finally thought my day was not totally ruined, but I spoke too soon.

I don’t remember how long I was in the kitchen, but I thought it had been too quiet in the living room,  Putting my cup in the sink, I went in to check.

“Willodean?”  The room was empty.  Damn I really did it now, she left and it’s my fault.

I quickly changed my clothes and put on my Arizona jeans and big woolen sweater.  I was heading for the great outdoors…then a thought entered my head.  I should call, see if she got home alright before coming over. Being upset as she was , she may not want to see me at all.

I picked the receiver up, punched in her number…one ring, two rings…three rings…then her answering machine came on…

“Hi!  Ya all reached the Ferris residence, but I can’t come to the phone.  Please leave a message and I’ll call ya right back when I can!”

Now normally if someone wasn’t home I wouldn’t worry, but I was worrying.

“Where could she have gone too?”  I wondered out loud.

Scanning the area I didn’t see anything out of place, except for a pine tree that was decorated for Christmas and something squirming around half out of their mind…

“Willodean!”

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me and the closer I got the more horrific Willodean looked.  She was a tangled mess of branches, sap, lights and her hair looked like she had stuck her finger in a light socket.

“Oh, Willodean what has happened to you?”  I tried to untangle her, but with great difficulty.  Just when I thought I got the jest of the sordid mess, the more it got knotted.  It wasn’t until much screaming and swearing that I finally got her out of her mess.  I wasn’t the one screaming Willodean was.  I was the one swearing.

“S-some nut job must have thought I was a Christmas ornament and tried to hang me, but I was victorious!”  The poor girl was serious.  How she thought she was victorious I have no idea, but she was glowing with pride that much I could tell.

“Ah, hunny, how you think you was victorious and all, because you were in a tree looking like a sock with static.”

Willodean organized herself and proudly said, “Look under the tree and see for yourself!”

I was a bit leery as to what I’d find, but I did as she ask and got the shock of my life.  There on the ground was…Santa!  He was all in his glory, red suit, with gold buttons, black leather boots and the whitest beard I have ever seen and the creepiest eyes that were wide open with fright. 
“Willodean do you know who that is?”  I was astounded.

“Of course I do, that’s Santa Claus!” 

“He’s a human tree stand!  I mean, how did you ever manage to shove the butt end of this here tree into his mouth?”  I quickly stopped her from telling me all the gory details.  Christmas will never be the same again…Christmas will never be ever!

“I put it there myself…”  She was so proud of herself.

I looked at her incredulously.  “But…”

“Oh that, yeah well, you see after I used him as my tree stand, I thought I should decorate it, you know, to draw peoples attention away from seeing him.”

I must have still looked puzzled because she continued.  

“Isn’t it obvious?”  Willodean is not the best at explanations.  It literally takes her several tries before she gets it right…god love her.

“Not really…you still…”

She huffed, took a deep breath and began again.

“While decorating I got snagged by a branch and then when I had that all fixed the lights got all funky, so I was trying to fix them, but I guess I just made things worse.”

“But you killed Father Christmas, you know...Santa Claus the man who goes around giving gifts to all good girls and boys?”   I was so confused my head hurt.

She paused in mid-mouth opening, and then shut it up tight.  I could tell the wheels were whirling around in that empty head of hers and then they too got all tangled.

“Never mind explaining, it’s too painful watching you try to tell me.”  It really was.   I felt her pain, I literally did.  My head was aching and all I wanted to do is get back home and hoped that all this was truly a bad nightmare.

Later that night, as the stars filled the sky, I sat on my couch, bundled in my Grans afghan and stared at my Christmas tree.  Chester came in; it was our date night, and sat next to me.

“Charlese, why does your tree look like it’s giving birth to a string of lights?”  His head was tilted to one side.

I just smiled at his big ole face and told him that Willodean had done my tree…that’s all that was needed to be said and it was.