Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except dear old Klaus
The clothes were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that the blood smell still would be there.
The coven were nestled all dead in their beds,
While visions of horror played in their heads
And Katherine in her black dress and Klaus in his cape
Had just finished sucking on the misses’ dear nape.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
He sprang from his feeding to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave a worry to people from their homes just below
When, what to my blackening eyes should appear,
But a gorgeous young woman who stood without fear.
With a little waistline, immortal herself,
I knew in a moment this was no elf.
More rapid than ravens her vamps they did came,
And she hissed and shouted, and called them by name!
“Now Devon! Now Dion! Now, Petter and Vic!
On, Conrad! On, Curtis! On, Donovan and Nick!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now fly away! Fly away! Fly away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the vampires they flew,
With throats parched and thirsty and ready to chew!
And then, in a twinkling, I heard outside
The screaming and hissing of each vampires cry.
As Klaus drew in his head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney Victoria came with a bound.
She was dressed all in black, from her head to her foot,
And her clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A group of newborns she had by her back,
And she looked like she was ready for her first midnight snack.
Her eyes how they twinkled! Her fangs sharp and pointy!
Her face was like winter, cold and so icy!
Her red little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the skin of her chest was as white as the snow.
The stump of a finger held tight in her teeth,
And the blood that was oozing, pooled just beneath
She had a small face and a little round ass,
That shook when she ran, quick like and fast!
She was sexy and fine, a perfect old vamp
An d Klaus got turned on when he saw her run up the steep ramp.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread.
She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
And filled all his needs then turned with a jerk.
And laying her finger aside of her nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose!
She sprang to her feet, to her coven gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard her exclaim, “ere she flew out of sight,
“Happy blood sucking to all, and to all a good-night!”