As I sit here, I can't help think that everything that has gone wrong in my life has to be something of a punishment for past events that I have done and God, being in his infinite mercy, is...for better lack of words, "giving it to me." I tend to look at these harsh realities as trials and trials they are, for today was hard.
I've been battling arthitis in all my joints, mainly in my knees and I've done everything I can short of having surgery again.
Two days ago I wanted to celebrate two big events in my life, having my book in Anderson's bookstore (a big dream of mine come true)and having my artwork used as the theme for the upcoming Black American society which over 400 people attend. So, I wanted to go to the mall, walk, see the little puppies and have some cinnamon sticks. Doesn't sound like much, but to me its the little things that I love. Anyway, we didn't make it to the middle of the mall when both my knees decided to say, "not going any further!" Pain...
So there I was stuck. I told my husband to go on to Sears without me and that I'll just have a sit and wait, but the Bath and Body shop was just across from me...beckoning me to come in. So I hobbled in and bought myself a few things.
My appointment with the doctor was this morning, Orthopedic surgeon, and I told him the whole sordid mess and that my left knee was now giving me grief. The end result, arthritis in that knee as well and maybe a torn meniscus. Great...just like my right knee 4 years ago.
He said I had a few options, 1. I could have another cortisone shot in my rt. knee or an injection of some sort of gel that acts as a lubricant. 2. Physical therapy for 4 weeks. I didn't like the last cortisone shot they gave me, 2 inches of needle going behind my knee cap, so the thought of yet another injection whether it being cortisone or gel did not strike me as "yippee!" In fact I burst out crying and opted for physical therapy. I do have to get yet another MRI for my left knee now. This probably makes close to 10 MRI's.
Needless to say, when I've looked at my life thus far, I feel as though God is putting me through some mighty hefty trials and would he please end it already. I bummed out at this point.
It's amazing I was a ballerina one point in my life, dancing the Nutcracker and loving every minute of it, now I feel like I"m old and breaking apart at the very seams. Bummed again.
I just had to get this down on, well, not paper, but just get it down, written so that I can move on and hope for the best...if that'll ever come. As it is, I don't see a silver lining anywhere in sight at the moment.